Do You Need a Mentor?

No. You don’t need a mentor.

The person who truly needs a mentor doesn’t even ask this question. They already know – deeply, irrevocably, in their core, bone-deep.

Everyone else asks this question.

Most people don’t need a mentor

This series of texts on mentors and mentorship begins with this very text to resolve the central dilemma: whether you need a mentor.

If you think you don’t need a mentor, you’re absolutely right. If you feel you need one, I believe you don’t (yet). A mentor is needed by someone who doesn’t think this but knows it – and has known it long enough that not a day goes by without thinking about it.

Therefore, I believe most people don’t need a mentor.

The truth is, we can do it alone. Many have succeeded – through their own strength, at their own pace. You’ll get there. The risk may be greater, the time required longer, the sacrifice sometimes disproportionate to the reward. And in many cases, walking our path alone through life is the most beneficial option for us.

There is another way

All these struggles on the path to success remind me of my mountaineering experience. I climbed in the Alps, at the tri-border of Slovenia, Austria, and Italy. With me was an experienced Sherpa – a guide who had gotten to know that mountain countless times. I was tied to him with a safety rope.

When you start up the mountain, there’s fear, doubt, and laziness, too. But you continue – step by step. Your legs tremble, and around you are chasms when you look down or new heights if your gaze is lifted—a matter of perspective. You’re tired, you’d love to collapse to the ground.

But I’d already come halfway, so the path down was equally long. I was also a bit ashamed to turn back now, though if I’d been alone without witnesses, I might have given up. There was the rope. There was the guide who knew where the next safe step was, who saw the crack in the rock before I stumbled.

And I was tired. And in pain. My blisters were bleeding, my lungs burned at altitude. But I felt safe. The rope didn’t pull me forward – it only served to hold me if I stumbled. The Sherpa didn’t carry my backpack, didn’t walk instead of me, but showed me the best path and viewpoints where I should stop and enjoy the achievement and landscape, ones that I, focused only on the summit, would never have noticed or used.

I could have done it alone. Many climb alone. But how many times would I have stumbled? How many times would I have taken a wrong path? How much time would I have lost wandering through fog before the guide stops and says, “Wait, the fog will pass in ten minutes”? And most importantly, would I have stopped to enjoy, would I have noticed the beauties of my ascent and known where (and when) is the best place to stop and rest?

What a mentor actually is

A mentor is precisely that – an experienced Sherpa. Because of this experience, I named my calling guide, or growth guide, because I felt what guidance means during ascent, and that this guidance is the essence of the mentoring calling.

The guide has climbed many peaks, stumbled, bled, and enjoyed on plateaus. They’ve dedicated their life to studying climbing skills, understanding the mountain, and the nature of ascent. They know where the wrong paths are, how to read the signs, and where you can place your foot without the ground giving way. And when you need to stop and wait, and when to quicken your pace.

The guide doesn’t climb; instead, you must bleed, your lungs must catch air at altitude. But you’re tied with a rope – the mentor is there to catch you when you stumble. They show you the path to spare you the wrong turns they’ve already taken and thus preserve your strength for new and different life ascents and for life paths you must walk alone.

Who truly needs a mentor

A mentor is essential for those who are genuinely committed to growth.

Growth is achieved only if you want it deep in your bones. Without that deep desire, the mentoring relationship is meaningless. You can have the best Sherpa in the world – but if you don’t want to climb, if you don’t have faith in your guide and trust that they know where they’re leading you, that journey is meaningless. And the guide, if truly honorable, won’t even agree to lead you on that path in such a state.

The difference that changes everything

Now, here’s where lies the difference that changes everything: do you need a mentor and would a mentor be helpful to you?

A mentor could be helpful to absolutely anyone. It would be great to have someone more experienced by your side. Who wouldn’t want that? But do you need one?

For you to need one would mean you know, through the blood and sweat of your stumbles, that you won’t go any further alone. Or at least that you won’t go further alone quickly enough, safely enough, wisely enough. And right there – in that night of honest admission of your own limits – a successful mentee is born.

There’s no one who couldn’t benefit from a mentor. But only a few truly need a mentor. And believe me, that’s okay.

The answer to the question “Do you need a mentor?” lies in the answer to another question: Are you aware of your limits, and are you ready to push them by following someone, until you reach the next peak?

My story

You know me.

You know what I’ve achieved and what peaks I’ve climbed. I’m 44 years old, have two wonderful grown daughters, a doctorate, awards for my work that I’ve lost count of, thousands of clients and mentees, peace, happiness, and the blessing that the work I do is my calling.

I’ve reached many peaks alone. But I’ve also been in the abyss too many times – without bottom or light.

The speed of my progress changed when I had mentors – mentors accelerated me! My first one was when I was 16. My entire adult life, I’ve been a mentee. Being guided from peak to peak made my journey more beautiful, more fruitful, more purposeful. I knew I could do it alone. But I knew I didn’t have to.

At the core of my success has always been a strong desire to learn from more experienced people because there’s no sense in wasting time, energy, or effort on paths others have already taken.

Test whether you need a mentor

I hope you can answer the questions I’ve listed below. If even one answer is “no” or “I’m not sure,” – you don’t need a mentor (yet):

1. Do you feel a deep, undeniable need for growth – so strong that not a day goes by without thinking about it? Not occasional motivation or inspiration, but a bone-deep need to reach your peak.
2. Are you ready to apply the advice you receive – even when it’s unpleasant and requires you to change what you’ve been doing the same way for years? A mentor will tell you things you don’t want to hear. Are you ready to listen to them and act on them?
3. Are you ready to admit your limits – to yourself and others? A mentor doesn’t enter your life as long as you pretend you can do everything alone. If you’re not able to see your limitations, you’re not ready for new heights, because new heights transcend the boundaries of old habits.
4. Are you ready to admit and accept that there are people who know more than you about what you want to achieve? If you believe you already know everything or that everything you need is on YouTube, you don’t need a mentor. You need a bit more life to understand the difference between information, wisdom, and applied wisdom in life and work.
5. Are you ready to invest in the mentoring relationship and treat it as a priority, not a hobby or entertainment? A mentoring relationship requires commitment. If you don’t have space for it in your life, you don’t have space for a mentor. You’re full, you first need to empty yourself to be filled with what’s new and necessary for new peaks.

If you answered “yes” to all the above questions, then you truly need a mentor and will benefit from one. We’ll talk in upcoming texts about where and how to find them and who all can be your mentor (and how).

If you answered “no” or “I’m not sure” to at least one, you don’t currently need a mentor. That’s fine, it’s good for something – like everything else.

Now you can direct your attention to what you want and what you believe you need for the life you deserve. Each of us is different and our path to the peak isn’t the same for anyone.

I wish you to reach it, and I know you can, precisely in the way you choose.

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In the upcoming texts in this series, I’ll write about how to find (choose) a mentor, how to work with them, what to pay attention to, and how to be your own mentor, which is often desirable and almost always possible.