Setting specific and clear goals helps people focus on what truly matters and avoid distractions, improving resource allocation. You can explore statistics describing the importance of clearly set goals at this link, which compiles scientific knowledge in the field – the text titled “60+ Goal Setting Statistics You Can’t Ignore in 2025.” In this text, we’ll tackle a slightly different topic – I pose the question: if we’re among the few who have clear goals, can our goals be wrong? And how do we know if the goals we’ve set are best for us?
You might think that a goal is a goal – that it’s all about setting it and going toward it. But years ago, I understood something that changed how I look at goals. I was sitting with a client who had just been appointed to a position he had fought for years to achieve. Instead of a joyful person who had finally realized their dream, sitting across from me was a man who seemed… empty. “I achieved what I wanted,” he said, “but I feel like I climbed the wrong mountain.”
I thought about this for a long time. After some time (learning, thinking, discussing, and researching), I realized that the problem isn’t in the goal but in the motive. The way we explain to ourselves WHY we want something is what determines whether we’ll be happy or empty when we achieve it.
How Scientists Discovered That Motive Makes the Difference
The story begins in the 1960s when Edwin Locke noticed a paradox and asked: why do some people, even when they achieve their goals, remain unsatisfied? The answer lay in the type of motivation behind the goal. Decades later, Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, through their Self-Determination Theory, discovered that our brain reacts differently to different types of motivation. They identified two key factors that determine the quality of our motivation:
- Direction of motivation – where we’re going:
- Approach – we go toward something we want (“I want to…”)
- Avoidance – we run from something we don’t want (“I don’t want to…” or “I must…”)
- Source of motivation – where it comes from:
- Intrinsic – motivation comes from our internal needs and values
- Extrinsic – motivation comes from external factors like rewards, pressure, approval, and socially acceptable norms
Combining these two factors gives us four types of motivation that dramatically affect our energy, persistence, resilience, and satisfaction. Some motives drive us from within and bring long-term satisfaction, while others push us from outside and leave us feeling empty.
Same Goal, Four Different Worlds: Anatomy of Motivation
To illustrate how important the WHY is, here’s an example of four people who have exactly the same goal but completely different motives. All four want to advance at work to a higher position, but their reasons are different:
Anna (Approach + Intrinsic): “I want to advance because I’m excited by the challenge of leading a team. I love when I can help colleagues grow and when I see our work producing results.”
Mark (Approach + Extrinsic): “I want to advance because I’ll have a higher salary and better status. People will look at me differently when I’m a manager.”
Joanna (Avoidance + Intrinsic): “I don’t want to do only routine tasks anymore. I feel like I’m standing still and not fulfilling my potential.”
Stefan (Avoidance + Extrinsic): “I don’t want to look like a loser! I must advance because everyone around me has advanced. I can’t fall behind my colleagues.”
The same goal will lead to four completely different journeys.
Why Different Motives Lead Through Different Journeys to the Same Goal
Obviously, all four will advance, isn’t that what matters most? But the key is that while their destination is the same, the journey to the destination isn’t the same, and the feeling at the final destination won’t be the same (pleasant).
Anna will enjoy every day of working toward achieving the goal. She’ll work overtime because it excites her, not because she has to. When she gets promoted, she’ll feel deep joy and immediately start thinking about the next projects she can realize.
Mark will be motivated, but his focus will be on when he’ll get results. He’ll work well, but the process won’t be fulfilling. When he gets promoted, he’ll be happy briefly, then turn his gaze to the next peak.
Joanna will work with a sense of pressure but will understand why it’s important. The process won’t be easy, but when she gets promoted, she’ll feel peace and pride for taking responsibility for her professional growth.
Stefan will constantly struggle with procrastination because fear drives him. When he gets promoted, he’ll feel relief briefly, but will immediately start worrying about the next “must” waiting for him.
There Are No “Bad” Goals – There Are Bad Motives
Some of us wonder if it’s wrong to want a lot of money or to want to look good. From the perspective of knowledge and experience I now have, I believe it’s not wrong!
The goal we set is neutral – the motive determines the sentiment. “Having a lot of money” can be a fantastic goal if the motive is: “I want financial freedom so I can focus on creativity without worrying about basic needs and children’s education expenses.” But the same goal becomes destructive if the motive is: “I must have a lot of money so people will respect me because without what money brings – car, watch, status, restaurants, clothes – I am nothing.”
The goal we set is neutral – the motive determines the sentiment.
No goal is inherently good or bad. Some motives drive you toward an authentic life or push you toward others’ standards. “Looking good” can be a healthy goal if the motive is: “I love when I feel strong and vital in my body.” But it becomes problematic when the motive is: “I must look perfect because I’m afraid my partner will leave/cheat on me.” Also, “I want to have a partner” can be a wonderful goal if the motive is: “I want to share life and happiness with someone, to build together and support each other.” But it becomes a heavy burden when the motive is: “Everyone around me is in relationships, I can’t be alone like the last loser.”
Motive is important because it determines:
- How much energy you have during the process
- How you’ll feel when you achieve the goal
- Whether success will inspire you for further growth or leave emptiness
How to Recognize Your Type of Motivation
The easiest way is to think about your goal, write it down, and complete the sentence: “I want [your goal] because…”
If your answer contains:
- Words like “I love,” “it excites me,” “it’s fascinating” – you probably have Approach + Intrinsic (best type)
- Words like “I’ll have,” “status,” “salary,” “recognition” – you probably have Approach + Extrinsic
- Words like “I don’t want to,” “so it won’t happen,” but they relate to your deep values – Avoidance + Intrinsic
- Words like “I must,” “everyone else,” “because people will (say, think)” – Avoidance + Extrinsic (most critical type)
Transformation: How to Change the Motive While Keeping the Goal
The good news is you don’t have to change your goal – it’s enough to change your motive. The same goal with a different motive becomes a completely different journey. Here are some recommendations from my development toolkit:
Instead of: “I must lose weight because I look awful and people will judge me”
Try: “I want to lose weight because I love the feeling of strength in my body and the energy I have when I eat healthily.”
Instead of: “I must earn more because everyone around me earns more”
Try: “I want to earn more because I want to provide security/new experiences for my family”
Instead of: “I must get married because all my friends are getting married”
Try: “I want marriage because I want to build a deep connection and shared future with a partner.”
***
After everything we’ve considered about goals and the motivation behind them, one truth crystallizes: the quality of your life is determined by one single question – “Why?” Why do you do what you do? Why do you want what you want? If the answer is “because I must,” “because that’s how it should be,” “because others will say” – you’re living someone else’s life. If the answer is “because I love it,” “because it inspires me,” “because that’s how I grow” – you’re living your own life and teaching everyone around you how to live like you!
The essence of defining goals is in the motive. Everything else is form.
2020